Lakers Classic - 1987 Finals, Game 4

From: DY
Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 9:33 AM
To: Steve
Subject: Game 4 1987 Finals

Dude,

Overall it actually was a pretty poorly played game in the first half, I don't think I remember it being so turnover ridden and awkward. Terrible shots, the Lakers weren't getting into their patented fast break (I think they said fast break during the broadcast like 52894884 times) and the Celtics were running and getting transition baskets. Seeing them run the clumsy, oafish fast break was like watching an overweight teenager with vertigo play hopscotch... and yet it was somehow effective. Looking back, the Celtics didn't really have the horses to run like that. They started 5 and pretty much played each of those 5 guys the entire game. Seemed like a big coaching error...

Also as much as I love those old Lakers teams, the entire team weighs a
combined 450lbs... I don't they could stand the physical Lakers of today. Certainly Bynum would have some trouble with Kareem, but he was 40 years old at the time of this game. And if you put Ariza on Worthy, LO on AC... hmm maybe this is a discussion for later in the season...

Bullets:

It was nice to see the young, strong, Coach Riley. It's that Riley that I prefer to remember, the one who helmed the blitzkrieging fast break offense of the Lakers. Not the bickering, coat-tail-riding, inventor of brawlsketball style he made famous in New York (emulated by anyone playing against a team with superior talent).

Ainge made attempted a pass in the second quarter that looked like he was literally trying to throw the ball out of the building. I think it landed in the 10th row. He was the least athletic player I have ever seen, but he lit the Lakers up in this game.

How come no one ever does the full blown sky-hook? Kareem would post up on the right side, spin baseline, and hook it and it was almost like a free-throw it was so dependable. Everyone knew exactly where it was going and yet no one could come close to stopping it. Why can't anyone figure that shot out in this day and age?

Greg Kite's takedown of Worthy, made me so upset that 21 years later, I
literally jumped up and yelled when I saw it. For some reason I thought it was Dennis Johnson who pulled him to the ground, but it was Kite who lowballed him. Awful thug play reminiscent of PJ Brown, Perkins, and Posey last year.

James Brown was the sideline reporter!!! A fresh faced new kid in the
media, was 80lbs lighter and 20 years younger... He was good at it too!
Young sideline reports should take notes.

Did you see the hook shot from full court at the end of the first half by Magic? It bounced in and out and no one really made a big deal about it. He was so good at the time, people almost expected a shot like that to fall for him.

Worthy was a FREAK athlete at the time. Same goes for Mychal Thompson.
Just incredible athletes for that day.

Coop gets called for a technical when he shoves McHale. I rewound that
section and it was McHale who was trying to pull Cooper down on that play (classic McHale cheap shot), Coop reacted and got called for the T. I HATE MCHALE AS MUCH TODAY AS I DID 20 YEARS AGO! How do they pay that guy in Minnesota ? He openly makes a trade that helps his REAL team and they continue to pay him. How embarrassing must it be to be the owner of the T-wolves and go to an NBA executive meeting. Do they all hang around in a group and giggle at him as he walks by?

I like how Worthy responds later by rocking McHale to sleep and then
flushing one right in his face. That was awesome.

McHale late in the game pushing AC around, and Byron Scott comes in to
defend his teammate. The more I think about it, AC being celibate (I had to look up the spelling...) in the pre-AIDS 80s on the most popular team in sports was the single most unbelievable thing to happen since biblical miracles. It is like going back to the exact point where the bomb was dropped on Hiroshima and finding a house completely untouched. Seriously, fighting the urges against an onslaught of women like that must have been like hitting a bullseye on a dartboard from 60 feet in a hurricane. I just don't know how he did it, and I can't believe we didn't nickname him black Jesus.

The Magic hook shot on the inbounds play looks to me like a broken play.
They got a mismatch on the other side with Worthy against a smaller player and it looked like they wanted to get it to him on the baseline and for him to post up shoot it, or kick it out to the wing. But then Magic was just Magic.

--DY
_____

From: Steve
Subject: RE: Game 4 1987 Finals
To: DY
Date: Tuesday, November 11, 2008, 10:25 AM

First of all, Robin refused to bet me on the outcome of this game. Do you believe that? Some Celtics fan.

I don't think I've seen this game since it originally aired back in '87. Seen the baby sky hook replayed about a zillion times, but I forgot about all the skirmishes. That Greg Kite is a real son of a bitch. And a funny lookin' son of a bitch at that. What was going on with all the mustaches in 1987? Kite. Bird. Rambis. Even Michael....excuse me - I mean “Mychal” Thompson was rockin' the 'stache in the 80s.

Kareem looked horrible in this game. I don't remember him making a single shot, but every time they showed the scoring tally, there was his name among the game leaders. Where did those points come from? Did I black out during his scoring barrage? I agree that the sky hook was a thing of beauty during Kareem's career, but it seemed like every time he touched the ball in this game, he would turn and throw up that hook and it would just clang off the rim. And God forbid Kareem ever pass the ball during this game, even knowing that he didn't have the hook going for him. Granted the man was about 67 years old at the time, but he just looked awful. I loved the play where Kareem had a turnover and cherry picked at the offensive end of the court for what seemed like about 15 minutes until the Lakers came running back on what turned into a 4 on 1. Kareem set a pick on Dennis Johnson and was surprisingly praised for making a smart play by the horribly un-objective former Celtic Tommy Heinsohn. Guess they didn't notice that Kareem failed to run the floor...or jog the floor...or even walk the floor to go back and play a little defense after the sloppy turnover. He was obviously being judged and praised on his career accomplishments during this game and not on the game itself.

(By the way, Heinsohn was a former Celtics player and Celtics coach and he would eventually go on to be a member of the Celtics broadcast team. So I ask the question - Who the hell put this CBS broadcast team together during the 80s? Whatever happened to assembling a broadcast team with a little bit of objectivity? Why didn't they just hire a couple of guys from Southie to do the game instead? "Aah, that was a wicked haahd foul by Kite. Huge play! Huuuuge play!!")

At any rate, Magic was more consistent with the hook shot in this game. Speaking of the Magic Man, how unbelievable was he? He made every type of shot possible - right and left handed! Hook shots, jumpers, lay-ups, threes, free throws. You name it. The only thing he didn't do was dunk. And I don't recall Magic ever being much of a dunker. For all the flash and glitz he had, dunking was just never his style.

This wasn't exactly Bird's best game ever. He was known to be a helluva passer in his career, but he threw a few passes in this game that were more than a little suspect that went out of bounds completely untouched.

Did you see Bill Walton celebrating on the sideline, giving Greg Kite a very awkward high ten after a Celtics fast break bucket? The first thing I wondered was "okay, so how old is little Luke when this game was going on and what was he doing at the time?"

You're right about the size of the Lakers. They all looked so much smaller than I remembered. Coop and Scott looked like children. And I don't know what happened to Magic. I think sometime during the 90s, the current Magic Johnson ate the 80s Magic Johnson.

The only thing I wish we had while watching this game was the radio broadcast of Chick Hearn and Keith Erickson. That's the way we used to watch these games - with the television muted and a radio blaring Chickie Baby. I miss the old 80s Lakers, but there's a lot to love about these current Lakers too.
_____

From: DY
Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 10:36 AM
To: Steve
Subject: RE: Game 4 1987 Finals

Dude, and about the white short shorts by the Celtics? There was one point in the game on an inbounds play where the camera was behind a Celtic player and I totally saw his jock strap... not good times... AWFUL times...

As for the time that 90s Magic ate 80s Magic? I think they called that "The Magic Hour"...

--DY
_____

From: Steve
Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 10:46 AM
To: DY
Subject: RE: Game 4 1987 Finals

You're right! Forgot to mention the shorts! At one point, Bird was getting ready to throw an inbounds pass. Just before the ref handed him the ball, he hiked those suckers so far up his torso it made me cringe. Yikes! No way he was ever able to have children after that masochistic punishment. Between the shorts, the mustaches, and the hairdos, these guys hardly looked like world class athletes. I suppose we're gonna refrain from even mentioning the inordinate number of white dudes on the Celtics. I haven't seen this much black on white since the US Team ran roughshod through the Olympics in China this past summer. I couldn't tell if they were showing a basketball game or the annual GM meetings. There were a few guys on the Celtics bench in warm-ups that never got in the game that had to have been the team's accountants...

_____

Lakers vs. Blazers - October 28, 2008

I remember thinking to myself several years ago at the very beginning of the Lakers’ Shaq-Kobe Three-peat era to relish every moment and never take for granted the notion that my team was a serious contender for the title – not just for one year, but for the next couple of years. Well guess what? Strap on your seatbelts ‘cause here we go again.

Man! That was a fun game! Oh sure, it was a little sloppy here and there. But I think we were all a bit rusty last night as we opened the new season, weren’t we? I know even I fumbled with the remote once or twice trying to rewind for highlight plays during the game. So I can’t fault Kobe and company for looking a little out of rhythm last night. From opening tip to the final buzzer this game wasn’t even close. Even when the Blazers pulled to within 8 points, the game was never really in doubt – though Doug Collins voice went up about three octaves with every Blazer hoop during that stretch. How good is this team when Walton is your 11th guy off the bench, relegated to a few minutes of garbage time and the only ‘touches’ Chris Mihm will likely get this season are during pre-game warm-ups? This team is scary deep and extremely loaded.

No doubt the biggest mistake in the game was when Priscilla or Godzilla or whatever the hell his name is threw his shoulder into Kobe and then walked up to him and tried to stick his chest in Kobe’s grill. What the hell was this guy thinking? Why didn’t he just tell Kobe “You suck at basketball” and then go hit on Kobe’s wife afterwards? Why would anyone do anything to upset Kobe within the 48-minute timeframe of an NBA basketball game? There was a TV show in the 70s hosted by Chuck Connors called Thrill Seekers. It was about people who would do outlandish and crazy shit just to do outlandish crazy shit. After that bonehead move in last night’s game, I was fully expecting Chuck Connors to come out onto the court and begin talking about the dangers of the events as they unfolded. Of course, that would’ve been a little creepy, what with Chuck Connors being dead and all. Anyway, Godzilla you are a stupid, stupid man…

So, good stuff all around last night. Hard to believe last night’s game marked the unofficial one-year anniversary of a time when the Lakers lost on opening night to a mediocre Rockets team and the fans were still wondering whether Kobe or Andrew Bynum would be traded. Kobe was booed that night and later I would eventually go on to call him an a-hole in this very space. My how times have changed. Oh, Kobe’s still an a-hole, but at least the reigning MVP is still wearing the purple and gold and that’s just the way we like it.

Lakers v. Celtics - Preview

From: DY
Sent: Friday, May 30, 2008 5:29 PM
To: Steve
Subject: Reverse Jinxing bastard

I hate the sports guy:

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/080530

I can't figure out if this is a reverse jinx or a straight up jinx, but I hate the Sports Guy so much right now, I wish he had to go watch Sex and the City. Strong words I know but still...

From: Steve
To: DY
Subject: RE: Reverse Jinxing bastard

Steve wrote:

I’m trying to get Robin to get into the spirit of these Finals. Again, not a basketball fan. However, she made a comment about how it’s hard to get into the series knowing that the Lakers are the better team and the Celtics are probably going to lose. How’s that for another jinx!?

The Boston sports fans are in cahoots on this thing. It’s like they all got together at some top secret location (probably a Dunkin’ Donuts somewhere) and developed a single game plan on how to root for their Celtics in this series. And that game plan is the “We don’t stand a chance, double reverse hexing jinx plan.”

From: DY
Sent: Monday, June 02, 2008 11:46 AM
To: Steve
Subject: RE: Reverse Jinxing bastard

I really really cannot stand Celtics fans bullshit talk right now:

1) Blatantly jinxing or reverse jinxing

2) How the Lakers fans are "front runners" just like Kobe??? What the hell is that? KG and Ray Allen aren't front runners because they've been with the same team for so long right? I was up in Central cali for the long weekend and saw a guy in a brand spanking new KG jersey that still had the creases in it from being folded up in a box. I wanted to run him over with my car.

3) Saying that Gasol was a slimy steal of a trade because West was a GM at Memphis a year BEFORE the trade happened. He didn't sign the trade, that other idiot did. That's FLAT OUT BULLSHIT! WHO SIGNED THE EFFING PAPERS FOR THE KG TRADE???? KEVIN EFFIING DIRTY CHEAP SHOT CLOTHESLINE MCHALE!!! HE WAS THE ACTUAL EFFING GM OF THAT TRADE!!!

I think I need to calm down...

From: Steve
Sent: Monday, June 02, 2008 12:00 PM
To: DYSubject:
RE: Reverse Jinxing bastard

What does “front runners” mean? Is that the same as being fair weather fans? If anyone accuses Lakers fans of being fair weather fans, that’s completely absurd. Anyone who knows the least bit about sports knows that of all the professional teams in L.A., no team owns L.A. fans like the Lakers do. No L.A. team (and probably very few teams in any town in any sport) enjoys the devoted loyalty that the Lakers do from their fans.

This has been a Lakers town since a 20-year old Magic Johnson took the floor at the Forum back in 1979-80 and it will remain the Lakers’ town for many, many years. Unless the Dodgers, Angels or Kings rip off about 6 or 7 titles in the next 10 years, nothing’s changing around here.
I loved how the owner of the Celtics said “We’re 8 and 2” when talking about the Celtics versus Lakers in the Finals over the years, only to have Jerry West (I think it was West?) point out that they also failed to make the playoffs in 12 of the last 21 years since they played in the Finals.

Sweet.

From: Steve
To: DY
Subject: RE: Reverse Jinxing bastard

Steve wrote:

I just went back and read the chat session from SGs column.
http://proxy.espn.go.com/chat/chatESPN?event_id=20902
You’re right. Very frustrating to read some of those things. I’m sure we’ll feel better in a few weeks. Although, I agree with everything written about the Lakers car flags. Somehow, that’s always seemed disingenuous to me. This coming from a guy, by the way, who rocks a Dodgers and Patriots flag from a 20’ flagpole in front of his home on the days of big games.

I work with a guy (Lakers fan) who predicts the Lakers in 6. I say no way. It’s gotta be 5 or 7. There’s no way, with the 2-3-2 format the Lakers win 2 out of 3 games held in Boston. They win 1 of 2 OR 2 of 4 in beantown, but not 2 of 3. If the Lakers steal 1 of the first 2 in Boston and win a squeaker in game 3 at home, it’s over in 5 – with a couple of 10+ point victories in games 4 and 5. Otherwise, I’m saying Lakers in 7 for this series.

From: DY
Sent: Monday, June 02, 2008 2:26 PM
To: Steve
Subject: Re: FW: Reverse Jinxing bastard

If we win, I'm thinking the same thing, we're really banking a lot on Gasol. Honestly I think this thing could go 7 games. I think the Lakers best shot at stealing it is taking the first game. Check out this analysis of the type of defense that the Celtics played against Kobe in the first two meetings (yes without Gasol) but I think the game plan is frighteningly sound and will be employed this time. Who knows how Gasol changes this, he better have a monster game against Perkins and KG...
http://myespn.go.com/blogs/truehoop/0-32-261/When-the-Celtics-Played-the-Lakers.html?lpos=spotlight&lid=tab1pos2

Really great article but VERY long.

From: Steve
To: DY
Subject: RE: Reverse Jinxing bastard

Steve wrote:

If the Celtics’ game plan involves laying off Kobe, forcing him to hit perimeter shots, I’ll take those odds. Just because it ‘worked’ in the regular season for two games separated by three months – that don’t mean squat. Kobe’s not going to be cold for an entire freakin’ series. He’s not Manu Ginobili for Christ’s sake. Kobe’s the best player in this series AND, I might add, the most experienced player on either team at this level of the playoffs. He smells blood in the water and he will not be denied this opportunity to win a championship after getting this close. Especially, knowing how hard these opportunities are to come by (see the last 4 years).

And another thing, if Doc Rivers is devising a game plan around Kobe Bryant, he’s making the worst coaching mistake of his life, not to mention the fact that he’s wasting his time. He needs to forget about any plan that involves Kobe and focus on things his team can actually have a shot at controlling and might be effective with. You can’t call for a plan that makes him shoot perimeter shots and you can’t try to beat him up (one of the toughest dudes in the league). You just have to let him be Kobe and hope you can contain the rest of the team. Focus on taking a Gasol or an Odom out of games for the entire series. That’s your only chance. After 12 years of watching Kobe run roughshod over this league, I would hope that even Doc Rivers can recognize that there is no effective game plan for stopping Kobe.

From: DY
Sent: Monday, June 02, 2008 3:26 PM
To: Steve
Subject: RE: FW: Reverse Jinxing bastard

I do agree that Kobe is the best player in the game right now, however sometimes he gets into the whole Mano a mano thing. If he gets caught up in embarrassing Ray Allen (which he DEFINITELY can do) he's going to bring the whole team game down. He's so easily tempted by the opposition to take every shot. Odom and Gasol stop moving without the ball and our offense becomes easier to slow down. If he does what's made the Lakers successful up until now, we are in good hands. If he gets sucked into dominating the one on one game with Allen, we may be in for a long series.

YES every game of the series is a GOTW...

Lakers vs. Suns - February 20, 2008

It’s pretty rare that a regular season game in any sport has the hype that came with this one. It’s even rarelier….more rare-er…whatever, that the game would live up to that hype. But this one sure did. Boy oh boy, what a freakin’ game! I was all geeked up for this one the minute I tuned in and saw the players going through their pre-game warm-up routine. That nervousness that comes with watching playoff basketball was with me the entire game. I’m surprised I didn’t wake the kids after a couple of the more exciting plays. Kobe’s dunk at the end of the 1st quarter as time was expiring, which from now on shall be known simply as “The Statement Dunk of 2008,” had me rewinding the DVR to show Robin, who, by the way, doesn’t particularly care for basketball and can’t stand Kobe, but still was able to work up an obligatory “wow.” (God love her).

This game was packed with huuuuge plays. Kobe blocking a dunk, Gasol filling the middle to finish a fast break with a time-out inducing slam dunk (only to get mauled by a creepy Sasha Vujavic), Kobe later breaking up a Nash-to-Shaq alley oop attempt, Farmar nailing threes, Odom driving the lane and dunking. You name it. This game had it. The Suns had their share of big time plays too. After all, if they hadn’t, this game would’ve been nothing more than a replay of Tuesday night’s laugher against the Hawks (poor Mike Bibby). Anyway, Nash was his usual self, scoring and passing with relative ease. Grant Hill had a great game. Stoudamire was out of his mind and had himself a game. Even the Big Fella started to crank it up late in the going, which I have to say, made me feel less than comfortable, to put it mildly.

I really, really hope these teams play each other in the playoffs. It could potentially be one of the greatest series EVER. Imagine how much more exciting these battles will be when Shaq is up to speed with his new teammates and with his conditioning and Andrew Bynum is back into the fold for the Lakers. Holy cow – that’ll be a show worth watching. I only hope the knot on Raja Bell’s head has subsided by then. Yikes. The biggest blow in the game for either side was Shaq’s elbow hitting Raja Bell, causing a lump the size of a small child on the back of Bell’s head. When it happened, he looked like he was out cold. Even when he went to the locker and came back to the bench several minutes later he looked like he wasn’t sure who he was, let alone where he was. I think that blow would’ve killed a normal sized man.

Well, this was a statement game to say the least. And a statement the Lakers made, punctuated of course by the Statement Dunk of 2008. Put some ice on that lump, Raja - we’ll see you in the playoffs!

Lakers vs. Suns - February 20, 2008

Biggest game of recent memory for these reasons:

1) Winner claims Pacific division #1 spot
2) Possible ramifications for home court advantage in the playoffs
3) Lakers vs the team that has bounced them from the playoffs in the last 2 seasons
4) If the Lakers lost they would be tied with the Suns in the season series, win and they have the advantage
5) Shaq's first game with the Suns
6) Shaq vs Kobe
7) Revamped Lakers vs Revamped Suns

First I have to comment on the whole Shaq going to the Suns thing. For the record this the 4th team in his career. Again he's feeling "recharged" and dedicated to working on getting into basketball shape because of his new team. I really used to like this Shaq but consider this... makes 20million a year (the highest salary possible that won't be matched for YEARS because his deal was done before the new collective bargaining agreement). Why does he need motiviation or to be recharged or whatever horse crap? I'm sure that's the kind of thing that bugged Kobe and it bugs me too. Kobe works his freaking butt off at all times.

Now while this was a big game, it's also an indicator of what kinds of strategies these teams could employ in the playoffs. Let's start with the bad news and good news for the match-ups.

Bad News
1) Shaq didn't look too bad. I mean that high screen and roll may not work as well with him in there, but that lob over the top alley-oop (the only successful one that worked for them) looked really natural for both Shaq and Nash.
2) Shaq isn't even really in shape yet and he had some decent minutes. With a couple of months of dedicated Diesel, he could transform into 2006 Shaq who won a title with Wade.
3) Shaq is still a good passer. He had that great behind the head dish to Stoudamire that led to a dunk.
4) Not having Shawn Marion made the Suns happier somehow. The morale on that team is very high right now and that's a big difference.
5) The game was close and the Lakers were definitely firing on all cylinders hitting open shots, making the extra pass, everything that we needed, if we had an off night it would have been a different story
6) We had trouble getting defensive stands... a lot of the good defense we had waer lucky steals on bad passes from the Suns who were just getting used to each other...

Good News
1) Gasol isn't afraid of Shaq and proved it by taking a couple of tough charges!
2) Not having Marion means no one guards Odom, who had an off night but should be able to score at will normally against this team
3) Shaq nearly killed his own teammate and best defender Raja Bell with a 365lb elbow to the back of the head... I was a little scared at the time that he wasn't getting up. (They said that in the locker room he forgot why he was there or what happened... yikes!)
4) The Lakers proved they can run with the Suns and still play a better half-court game. This team is so well balanced with the perfect blend of unselfish players, veterans and young talent that they can do ANYTHING.
5) Kobe's pinky allowed him to get 41 points...
6) And this is the best news... WE WON AND WE DIDN'T EVEN START BYNUM!!! (insert evil genius cackling laugh here)

He had a bunch of great plays and dunks (even one where he reverse slammed it in transition in the middle of 3 people) but the play of the game had to be Kobe's statement "eff you" dunk with 2 seconds remaining in the1st quarter.

I want to stand on the top of a mountain and yell at the top of my lungs "I LOVE THIS TEAM!!!"

Lakers vs. Nets - February 5, 2008

24 and 12.

Did you read what I just wrote? 24 and 12!! What a debut! I’m in love. In love I tell you. I was hoping Gasol would maybe, just maybe, get 15 points and 5 or 10 boards in his first game. But instead, he stepped right into the Lakers lineup and contributed as though he’d been wearing the purple and gold for years. Yep. The boys looked good last night. And here’s the best part. It should only get better from here on out. Gasol’s certainly not going to go for 24 every game, but Kobe’s not exactly going to get 6 every game either. Even if Bynum doesn’t play the way he did before his injury, when he returns, the Lakers stand to be in way better shape than they were a month ago.

What an unbelievable season we’ve had so far. Let’s recap, shall we?

Kobe hints at wanting to be traded.
Kobe demands to be traded.
Buss implies Kobe is trade-able for the right price.
Kobe is booed on opening night and calls the fans idiots (okay – I embellish a bit about the idiot thing)
The team starts very mediocre, as does Andrew Bynum.
The Lakers make news by beating teams that suck (something they struggled with last year)
Bynum sells his soul to the Devil and becomes the West Coast version of Dwight Howard.
The Lakers go on a tear, with Andrew Bynum fans driving the all-of-a-sudden very crowded bandwagon.
Bynum suffers a knee injury with some made-up name and a collective gasp from the fans in Los Angeles can be heard as far away as San Antonio.
Lakers GM Mitch Kupchak must've mysteriously obtained incriminating photos of Memphis Grizzlies GM Chris Wallace because...
...The Grizzlies trade Pau Gasol to the Lakers for Kwame Brown and a song.
Due to excessive weight, both axels on the bandwagon snap and all four wheels explode.

I’m going to make an effort to remember how I feel right now. The way I feel this week. The way it feels the moment this team turned the corner and jumped back into elite status. This must be how Kobe feels right now. This must be why Kobe’s got such a huge smile these past few days. I’m not making predictions and I certainly don’t want to jinx anything, but if this is the beginning of the Lakers’ third dynasty in the last 25 years, I’m going to make every effort to remember this time in Lakers' history.

Lakers vs. Nets - February 5, 2008

Symmetry is beautiful when it surrounds your favorite team and the greatest rivalry of any team in any sport. When I heard about the Gasol trade from my fellow blogger Steve, I was flabbergasted... I have never used that word but it's exactly what I was, how I felt, and almost sounded like my actual response. It was more of something like "Flubbaguahgwha?" Getting Gasol for Kwame was like getting a brand new Ferrari vs being punched in the testicles by Mike Tyson. Losing Kwame was the definition of addition by subtraction, which is a phrase I only use for healthy bowel movements and is also a nice metaphor for what transpired...

Anyways I digress, the symmetry aspect comes in when you consider that Kevin McHale (The evil gollum Celtic bastard disguised as the T-Wolves GM) makes a ludicrous trade sending KG to the Celtics (his real team) for a bag of basketballs and someone named Jefferson and making the Celtics instantly into a title team. Karma-wise this is just about as fair as me hiring Mark McGuire (the good old steroids days one) for our company softball team. The world was not IN BALANCE... Kobe upon hearing the trade and seeing Gasol's Pau"er" for himself he declared that he had seen the light and there was a god. I'm saying that there is a balance to the universe and this is how it corrected itself. So lopsided and manipulated was that bastard trade of the aforementioned evil gollum, retribution was swift and angry. Jerry West still has some ties even if he's not officially the GM anymore of the Griz and I think he pulled a McHale to help out his old team. The Logo is still the greatest Laker and he proved it here.

This gives us the result of a possible starting lineup of:

Fisher (rejuvinated and launching those high arcing 3s from 2 feet behind his head)
Kobe
Lamar Odom
Pau Gasol
Andrew Bynum

With Farmar, Ariza, Walton, Turiaf, Radman, Vujacic (The Machine), and Mihm coming off the bench...

I would contend that this lineup is better than the Kobe-Shaq Lakers (especially since this onedoes not have Rick Fox prominently involved). We're WAAAAAY deeper now, and two 7footers are tougher to deal with than one Shaq, even in his youth he had a hard time with Duncan and Robinson. That's exactly what you have with Bynum and Gasol. The average height of this team is a little over 6'8", when most teams in the NBA are about 6'6". That doesn't sound like a lot but when you add the length of those long arms, it's a big size advantage. Last time I checked it's easier to play basketball when you're taller. We have big guys who can shoot outside and we also have post guys, this is a VERY versatile team who can make matchup problems for any team, including the rarely used All-White-dude lineup of Farmar, Vujacic, Walton, Gasol and Mihm... In fact that worries me, if we are headed for a karmic union of the Lakers and Celtics, are we the bizarro-white-dude Celtics of old?

So Gasol came in and cleaned house in his first game, just letting it come to him. He's a natural for the triangle with his passing and great footwork in the post as well as being able to step out and take jumpers, he's like a less angry, whiter, slightly less athletic but just as determined KG... Great game, Fish continues on fire from behind the 3 point line. People talked about his soft D but he did a decent job. Great that we can bring Turiaf off the bench and play some minutes at the big spots. God, I love this team!

Laker Nation get on your feet!!!!!!

Since I was late in posting this, I just found out that Shaq went to the Suns... this should be interesting for their run and gun offense. But you never know when the real Shaq turns up it could be interesting. All I know is if it comes down to it, Bynum won't be backing down:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPRqhNK6g6g

Lakers vs. Rockets - October 30, 2007

Can you imagine actually working with a person like Kobe? Imagine you at work, sitting in a meeting. Everyone’s around the conference table waiting for the meeting to start. And there’s one guy who’s griping about how he’s unhappy working there, wishes he worked somewhere else, beefin’ about how ‘management doesn’t know how to run this company’, and so on. Imagine then during the meeting you’re put on a project working closely with the same guy. That would suck, wouldn’t it? When Luke Walton dove for a ball during opening night against the Rockets and slid into the Lakers’ bench, about 4 or 5 teammates immediately jumped off the bench to go over to him and help him back up. If Kobe goes sprawling into the Lakers’ bench, does he get the same treatment? Probably not. Hopefully not. His philosophical differences with Lakers’ management have led to his teammates and us fans becoming victims in this whole circus. It’s no wonder he was booed before the game started. I loved his comment going into the locker room at halftime, responding to the question about being booed, explaining that the fans don’t really understand what’s going on. Really? We don’t know? I’m not taking Kobe’s side or the Lakers’ side in this whole debacle, but please don’t insult me by suggesting that I don’t understand what’s going on here. Jerry Buss has his own problems. He’s lost control of his franchise. Oh, and he’s an adolescent drunk. However, all Kobe has done is forced the Lakers to trade Shaq, getting cents on the dollar talent-wise in return, negotiated a contract that is incredibly favorable to him financially, handcuffing the Lakers from being able to spend the kind of money they need to in order to build a whiner…uh, excuse me, I mean a winner. He negotiated the only no-trade clause in the NBA into that contract and proceeds to use that no-trade clause, not to prevent a trade as the term would suggest, but rather to force yet another crappy trade for the Lakers for his own personal benefit, screwing the Lakers and their fans for years to come. Yeah, I guess I don’t really understand, Kobe….you ass-hole.

Anyway, opening day is always exciting, and here are a few observations from the game.

With 5:50 left in the 2nd Qtr, the camera shows Lamar Odom on the bench in street clothes. As GOD is my witness, I didn’t even notice that Lamar wasn’t in the game until they showed him at that point. I swear. Wonder how long it took his teammates to realize he wasn’t on the floor.

Kwame Brown showed that he’s in midseason form by allowing his very first dunk attempt of the 2007-08 campaign to slip right out of his fingers and end up in the 2nd row of seats. Kwame will do this twice a game this year. You can bet on it.

Yao Ming is a large, slow, man who appears to be in great pain and labor as he lumbers up and down the court. Yet, somehow, he beats 20-year old Andrew Bynum in that foot race each and every time.

During telecasts, Color Commentator Doug Collins must love using the phrase “You know, back when I coached Michael Jordan…..” Shouldn’t the phrase be “back when I coached a team and Michael Jordan was on it…”?

It’s nice to have Fish back. Aside from the obvious aforementioned prima donna, the Lakers do have a couple of really likeable, hard playing guys. Guys like Fisher, Walton, and Jordan Farmar. Their combined effort led to that unlikely comeback at the end of the game. By the way, the last 1:12 alone was worth the price of admission if you ask me. Hopefully, the heart and determination of a few of the role players on this team will prevent it from being dragged down this season by the selfishness of another. We’ll just have to wait and see.

October 30, 2007 Rockets v. Lakers

Where are we? I have written and re-written the intro of my piece into this week's GOTWC over and over again. I just don't know where I stand. On one hand:

1) Kobe is out of line for calling out Lakers management and the Lakers have one of the most successful and classy organizations in sports. We as fans have stood behind him through the rape trial. We stood behind him through all the selfish talk, the "gunner mentality" talk, and the Kobe vs Shaq talk. We're good fans and we deserve better.

2) Kobe should be counting his blessings playing in a market as big as Los Angeles. The Dodgers are still rebuilding, there's no NFL team, and the terribly managed Clipper team are the only opposition to the Lakers as a marketing juggernaut. So the star of the Lakers = one of the biggest stars the sports world.

3) This team Kobe is complaining about isn't THAT bad. Really, this team went 18-6 in the beginning of last season mostly on tough defense, a lot of Kobe, and a little bit of Odom and Walton. We have an underrated defensive team with a coach who may be more known for the triangle, but is also a very strict disciplinarian on defense. We have a quick young guard in Farmar who came from Ben Howland's UCLA school of defense. He's got as good a chance as anyone of stopping guys like Parker and Nash (the catalysts for their respective teams). And we have hustle and size in Mo Evans, Bynum and Brown. Not to mention one of the best defenders in the league in Bryant.

4) I hate to bring up old news, because it's just as much Shaq's fault as it is Kobe's. Kobe could have stopped the Most Dominant Ever from leaving. Shaq just wanted to be respected, and he is too much of a big child to admit it. Kobe could have been the bigger man and said "Shaq, please stay" in a very public way, and there's no way Shaq would have gone. I hate to bring it up because all the Kobe haters will refuse to acknowledge that Shaq could have done the same thing. Shaq could have taken a public stance that he was relinquishing "Alpha dog" status to Kobe and all would have been forgiven. But both of them are selfish, so instead of Shaq having 4 rings, and Kobe having 3, they could have each had 6. EASY.

On the other hand:

A) Kobe is right about management. By all accounts, no one even knows who to call if they want to make a trade with the Lakers. Jerry Buss? Mitch Kupcake? Jimmy Buss? Kobe because he has the no trade clause anyways?

B) What happened to all the deals we were going to make? Kidd? KG? How did that get screwed up? Kobe ends up getting Derek Fisher who came free with Rick Fox's invisible backpack of bricks. While that TOTAL BASTARD Kevin McHale trades KG tot he Celtics for a bunch of kids. Can't other teams veto total BS trades like that? Who thinks it's OK for him to do that?!?! That's as bad as the Tim Donaghy scandal, if he goes and becomes a "consultant" for the Celtics in the next year or so after trading them a hall of fame player for unproven youngsters. It's like if you were playing fantasy football and a guy's wife traded Tom Brady to her husband for two no-name guys. That would start fistfights and possible homicides even in a casual league.

C) Kobe was promised that he would get help. They promised him, and I think that means something. While I think they have a puncher's chance in this league with Kobe, they would be DOMINATING with KG. There's no question.

A few notes on the game, now that I have that out of my system:

At around the 10 minute mark after Kobe dives at T-Mac to defend a jumper, Marv "bite marks" Albert says "aaand Kobe matches up with McGrady for the first time tonight". Actually Kobe hounded and forced McGrady to miss his first 4 shots. Marv was a little late to the party apparently, is he slipping?

Kobe looks like he hasn't even broken a sweat and he's killing Battier who is feebly trying to defend himself let alone Kobe. Why would Rick Adelman put Battier on Kobe? If you want to stop Kobe, really T-Mac is one of the few who has a shot at it.

Fisher, actually was a sight for sore eyes. It was nice to see him again, he still isn't that fast but he's at least at the "He's old so we'll call that flop a foul on the other guy" stage. I think we're supposed to call him a "Cagey veteran". Whatever, he's still got Rick Fox's invisible backpack full of bricks with him.

I actually wasn't too disappointed considering that Odom is out. ESPN.com rated the Rockets as the 3rd best team in the West behind San Antonio and the Suns. Although I was hoping for a little more improvement from the young guys, and I was kinda hoping Kwame "T-Rex hands" Brown would be on the bench with tendonitis in his microfractured plantar-clavicle-mangina

I guess in the end, I just don't want to see Kobe in another jersey but I'm so sick of all this drama... It's like a bad break-up with a super crazy girl who is really really hot, it just sucks.

July 31, 2007 - Dodgers v. giants

This posting a little late, I know. But give me a break. I just now got home since I was stuck in Dodger Stadium parking lot since Tuesday night. Man, $15 to park. That hurts. For $15 I was expecting my car to be washed and waxed when I got out. Instead I had the luxury of spending 45 minutes inching out of Dodger Stadium at a snail’s pace, or as some would say, a Molina’s pace.

This was a great game to go to. The excitement over the possibility of bonds tying or breaking the homerun record created a playoff-like atmosphere. I admit it. I brought my glove. I’d never done that before. Not even as a kid. Can you blame me? I was in the 8th row in the right field pavilion. My chances were as good as anyone’s right? Besides, that’s an opportunity of a lifetime. I didn’t want to be the guy that everyone saw in video replays for the next however many years having the ball hit me in the hand and bounce to someone else. I guess it didn’t really matter in the end anyway. No HR for bonds. No HR for anyone. In fact, no offense from the Dodgers to speak of whatsoever. They don’t want it. They’re not hungry. There’s nothing ‘magical’ about this team right now. The most positive thing about this season so far is that no other team in the National League is running away from the rest of the league. I suppose that if their pitching gets healthy and if they make the playoffs and if they get hot at the right time, the Dodgers could go a few rounds deep this year. Maybe even get a championship. Who knows? I’m just not feeling it from this team right now.

So, I sat in the gluttonous all-you-can-eat section of Dodger Stadium. I went into this game thinking there was no way I’d ever get my money’s worth. Boy was I wrong. Even if this wasn’t a game with the opportunity to see history, the price tag of $30 was well worth it. Here’s why. The seat alone is what, $6? That leaves $24 worth of food value that you have to consume just to “break even”. While a lot of people I know would have no problem reaching that figure, I simply can’t. Rather, I won’t. Instead, I had a hotdog, nachos, a bag of peanuts and a bottle of water. That’s about 15 bucks worth. But here’s where I made up the difference; NO LINES. Oh sure, there’s a bit of a crowd milling around the concession stands where they distribute the food, but the wait might take all of 20 seconds to get what you want. They have it all there. Prepared. Waiting to be thrown at you the second you ask for it. You can leave your seat, get what you want, and be back in plenty of time to see Juan Pierre ground out to lead off the next inning. I would pay $20 easy just to be able to skip the line experience at Dodger Stadium. Hell, I’d probably pay $30 for it. So you see? The $30 ticket bought me a seat, plenty of food, and the opportunity to see the entire game without missing a single pitch. Beautiful. I’ll definitely do it again. I just hope the next time, the Dodgers show up.

Dodgers - Braves 5th, July 2007

Ok, so I am a bit late with my blog, so what! What are you gonna do about it? Pitch to Chipper Jones or something??

Sometimes when I see Chipper Jones play I harken back to the days of Dale Murphy and the monster games he used to have against the Dodgers back in the day. It makes me want to do what I wanted to do back than, sneak up behind the guy in the parking lot and give him the old Tomohawk chop right in the back of his head!

Seriously though, this guy seems to just kill the Dodgers for whatever reason and it drives me nuts. Hitting two bombs from each side of the plate? What the hell is that? And to top it off we have to hear and see with the close up camera zoom angle, Vin tell us about how he uses two different colored bats, one for each side of the plate. Jones is one of the game's premier switch-hitters, and decided on this night that he would break old Dale's record becasue he was playing against the Dodggers. The Horror, the sheer horror. Hank Aaron breaks the Babe's record against the Dodgers and now Chipper Jones breaks Dale Murphy's record against the Dodgers. Once again, the horror, the sheer horror.

"When you think about people that are identified with the Atlanta Braves, you think of Hank Aaron and you think of Murph," Jones said. "Just to be in the same breath with those guys -- Hank, Murph, Eddie Mathews, it's a tremendous honor. I've been very blessed."

Screw you Chipper!! Next time you play the Dodgers Gagne is gonna put one right behind you're ear pal! Err, wait, I forgot Neddy let Gagne go, so it will have to be Broxton or Saito, or Stults, or Chi-Hsu Tsao or...ahh crap forget it!!

Injuries are starting to mount up on the starting rotation and the bull-pen, and having to rely on these kids that are called from Triple AAA LAs Vegas is like putting a grip down on black at the roulette wheel - stupid..

Penny had a rare bad outing and you could say it had to do with a blister on his hand, but that would be making excuses and guys from Broken Arrow, Oklahoma don't make excuses, they just git er' done!!

I am worried though about Penny, can he keep up the pace through the second half? We shall see, we shall see..

There were a few other things that were strange about this game, like the smoke that filled the stadium and field on or around the 3rd inning or so.. Vin said it was due to a local fire, but I grew up in H-Town in the 80's and know better, it was Cheech and Chong bobble head night at the Ravine and the faithfull were out in droves...

Doc

July 5, 2007 - Dodgers v. Braves

What a long game that was! Let’s take a closer look at some of the events that shaped this incredibly long game, inning by inning, shall we?

1st inning - With 2 outs and a 2-1 count on the batter, Brad Penny mysteriously calls a time-out and receives a manicure on the mound. Seizing the opportunity, Nomar Garciaparra gets a Swedish massage. Not wanting to be outdone, Rafael Furcal gets a facial with a seaweed body wrap while James Loney and Russell Martin order mineral waters with lemon.

2nd – While describing the effects of a fire located somewhere outside the stadium, Vin Scully, Hall of Fame Broadcaster and an icon of the Dodgers franchise, utters the phrase “You can really smell it.” The comment makes the wife chuckle a bit.

3rd – The Dodgers make more bad throws than I care to count. The only thing missing from this inning was the circus music. In the bottom of the inning, as if his .200 batting average and one-handed showboat catches don’t already reflect his lackadaisical attitude, Andruw Jones completely misplays a ground ball in the outfield. Nice job Andy. He’ll probably only get $120 million over six years from the Yankees this off-season.

4th – This inning featured my favorite offensive play in baseball; the triple. The Dodgers celebrate Juan Pierre’s leadoff three-bagger by stranding him at third the entire inning.

5th – Bobby Cox makes his 1st appearance of the evening. Amazingly, he is not thrown out of the game. Somewhere back in Georgia his therapist breathes a heavy sigh, relieved at the incredible sign of ‘progress’ his patient just displayed.

6th – Larry Wayne Jones, Jr. (AKA Chipper) ties the Atlanta Braves record for career homeruns. Forget about that Aaron guy. We’re talking Atlanta here. Eric Karros holds the equivalent record for the Los Angeles Dodgers, while Duke Snider holds the all-time franchise record. Sort of makes you wonder who the respective HR record holders are for the Los Angeles Angels, California Angels, Anaheim Angels, and Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, doesn’t it?

7th – Vin Scully points out something that has been dreadfully obvious for a couple of hours now – neither side has had a 1-2-3 inning.

8th – Chipper, or as I like to refer to him, L.W.J.J. strikes again, passing Dale Murphy on the Atlanta HR list. Murphy was the best offensive player in the league when I became a baseball fan back in the early 80s. He played for the Braves when Joe Torre was manager. You know, before Torre miraculously became a so-called ‘great’ manager. I guess a $200 million payroll can buy a manager’s over-rated reputation as well as an underachieving baseball team.

9th – In a rather cruel twist of irony, in a first for either team, the Dodgers go down 1-2-3 in the bottom of the 9th to end the game…..FINALLY!

As far as Dodger games go, this one really stunk. I believe Vin Scully said it best when he said, “You can really smell it.”

July 5, 2007 - Dodgers v. Braves

I somehow haven't seen a Braves game in like 10 years, so when I remember Andruw Jones, he looked a lot more like this:Now he's older, fatter, and acts like he makes millions of dollars. I know it's the last year in his contract, but has anyone told him he could get another one if he plays well? It's almost like he had a rough start, and now figures "I can't get a big payday, but I'm Andruw Jones, someone's going to pay me anyways... Screw it, I'm going to goof around and see just how much my name is worth!" At one point he swung on a strike so hard that his entire body twisted up, cartoon-style and he almost fell to the ground. Later, during a rally by the Dodgers, Andruw botched a play in the outfield. Juan Pierre was crossing the plate at the time and was probably thinking "I can't believe that's not me out there!".

I did love the fight in Penny, he made a few mistakes early and was clearly pissed about it. Helping him fuel a couple of "hate pitches" and a 3 RBI(!!!). You know, a guy who can pitch better when he's angry is always a plus. Can someone key his car, or something before his next start? If we do make the playoffs, someone might have to sleep with his girlfriend...

Watching this game, I realized that one of my favorite parts about watching, is listening to the mellifluous flowing narration by Vin Scully. Players change numbers and teams, teams change owners, locations, jerseys, logos and colors, but when you have a treasure like Vin Scully it's soothing to know that he'll never change. We're lucky to have him.

June 15, 2007 - Dodgers v. Angels

Wait a minute! Reggie Willits is white?! Really? Who would’ve ever guessed? I follow the Angels pretty closely and I had no idea. His first name is Reggie for cryin’ out loud. And his last name rhymes with a certain character’s name on Diff’rent Strokes. In fact, the first thought that went through my head when they showed his very white image on television was “What-chew talkin’ ‘bout, Willits?!”

So, do you like baseball? I mean are you a real fan of the game? If so, this was the game for you. Both pitchers were absolutely dealing. You could just sense that this game was going to come down to a clutch hit, a huge defensive play, or a Juan Pierre botched throw. Luckily for the Dodgers, it was the clutch hit by Gonzo instead of any sort of defensive antics of Pierre that prevailed, though if this game would’ve gone extra innings, that probably would’ve given Pierre the extra time he needed to ‘contribute to the outcome’ so to speak.

I don’t like it when the Dodgers and Angels play each other. I’m a fan of both teams and I have to think long and hard about what I want the series outcome to be before the start of the showdown. For this particular series, there were several factors to consider:

- The Angels have a 5 game lead in their division
- The Dodgers are in a three-team dead heat in their division
- The Angels have the second best record in baseball
- The Angels have won six consecutive series
- The Dodgers are coming off a sweep over the Mets
- The Dodgers have been spinning their wheels a bit as of late
- The Dodgers are my number one team, while the The Angels run a close second.
- It's a Dodgers' home game and an Angels' road game.

Okay, I’ve made up my mind. I’d like the Dodgers to take two of three. However, it has to be the first two. That way, they win the series and continue to build momentum they started against the Mets. The Angels will have their series-winning streak snapped, but they will have won the last game of the series against the Dodgers and can feel good about building on that to start a new winning streak, potentially, without losing too much of the lead they’ve built against the Mariners. Whew! I’m telling you, it’s agonizing when these two teams play. At least, I can always root for the Lakers over the Clippers or the Kings over the Ducks.

It’s not often you hear Vin Scully speak his mind on controversial topics. I think he prefers the objective approach to anything he covers and lets the fans form their own opinion on things. However, his sarcasm was evident and his opinion was very clear regarding Mike Scioscia’s leaving the Dodgers organization during “Kevin Malone’s regime,” as Vinny put it. He’s right though. It is still odd for me to see Mike Scioscia wearing any uniform other than Dodger blue.

When Vin got back to doing what he does best, he did something that we will do on occasion. During a big showdown between Saito and Guerrero in the ninth, he turned the mic off and let the excitement of the moment speak for itself. My question is this: When Vin Scully does that, what do you think he’s eating, a Dodger Dog or Nachos? With all those Farmer John commercials he’s done over the years, he has to be a Dodger Dog guy.

Go Dodgers….and Angels.

Dodgers v. Padres - June 6, 2007

Well that sucked... I think I'm a jinx for this team. They didn't really look that bad, but there were some problems with the pitching match up...

Coincidentally, Wolf was pitching the last time I watched a game. He looked pretty good last time, and looked brutal this time. It's really disappointing because I was hoping to make "Pulp Fiction" references all season long. I wanted to be able to call him The Wolf and be at ease when he's called into action, but not after this. He just seemed to fall apart, and while I enjoyed watching Jeff Kent, it wasn't enough to salvage the game. In baseball it seems that almost anyone can have a bad game and your team still wins, EXCEPT for the pitcher.

The pitchers really were the difference in this game. Starting with Maddux and ending with Hoffman, (And all the hype and crowd excitement about 500 saves for him) was a pretty tough match up. Baseball is the only game where you can be 41 years old and be freaking dominant like Maddux was. I mean he wasn't amazing, but he just didn't seem to make mistakes. It just got me thinking... You know when you daydream about you somehow getting to play for your favorite dream? Mine goes like this:

Mitch Kupchak somehow ends up seeing me play basketball at a local gym and decides to sign me at the league minimum for a 1-year contract and I work my way into the starting point guard role for the Lakers. I become known as "The Thief" for all my amazing ability to steal the ball... see because at 5'8" my brain says "OK this is the only realistic way I could play in the NBA" If I had some ungodly hand speed and I was faster than light, and could predict other people's moves or something craziness. I should mention that this fictional, irrational and barely coherent dream started when I was a kid and gets less and less likely the older I get. At this point I'm a 32 year old 5'8" 1/2 Chinese, 1/2 White guy with reconstructed ACL, a torn labrum and an extra 20 lbs (My son gave them to me I think)... So the dream, needless to say, is dying.

BUT Seeing 41 year old Maddux there, looking like someone who just stepped out of a PTA meeting in Manhattan Beach gives me hope. My new dream is going to involve me getting picked up by the Dodgers and being a dominant pitcher. Watching him fire pitches around the knees of some of these young 20 something year old athletes was inspiring. I have to say I wish we had kept him. I don't know what it would have cost or if it would have ended up being worth it, but he is definitely something special.

--The Thief

June 6, 2007 - Dodgers v. Padres

First of all, a big congrats to all of the Ducks fans (all six of you) on winning your first Stanley Cup. I know it’s been an incredibly long 14 years that you’ve suffered as your team went from an expansion organization to what looks like will be a pretty long string of future Stanley Cup contending seasons. By the way, if 14 years is a long time, what the hell does that make the 40+ years Kings fans are suffering through?

I was pleased to see the starting pitchers for last night’s Dodgers / Padres game. First, Greg Maddux was slated for the Pads and that can mean only one thing; a fast game. Just what I needed too. When I’m watching a game delayed about two hours on the old DVR so that I can watch it after the kids go to bed, I don’t have time to sit around and watch a 4 hour marathon. Let’s get Maddux on the hill and get this sucker over with in a two hour window. I got things to do, damnit. Secondly, it’s always fun to see Randy Wolf’s name as the scheduled starter. It sets up the opportunity to use the famous Jules quote from Pulp Fiction, “You sendin’ the Wolf??! Sheeeeeiiit. That’s all you had to say!”

Wolf sucked. Couldn’t throw a strike early in the game. When he finally found the zone he was very hittable. Naturally, the only guy on the Padres who couldn’t hit the ball (3 Ks in the game) was the one guy on the Padres from my fantasy baseball team. Nice going, Adrian Gonzalez.

After Wolf put the Dodgers in the hole, it looked like they were ready to rally and get back into the game. But then Abreu decided to have a rookie moment, committing one of the biggest sins in the game, making the dreaded third out of the inning at third base. This was actually a double-whammy bonehead play since the Dodgers were down by 4 runs at the time. Not satisfied with just killing the inning, he also cost the Dodgers a run scored, virtually taking the wind out of the sails of the team. Any thoughts the Dodgers had of mounting a comeback after that were quickly dashed when Grady Little performed baseball’s equivalent of waving the white flag by ushering Hendrickson out to the mound to pitch the 8th. Can you imagine the Dodger players thinking to themselves, “Okay, we’re starting to hit. Abreu’s an idiot for killing that last inning, but we’ll get another rally started next inning. Oh, wait a minute. Coach is putting Hendrickson in? Well, I guess we’re done for the day.”

Furcal makes a nifty play every game. We’ve come to expect it from him.

Juan Pierre, however, makes a crappy play every game. We’ve come to expect it from him as well. On a screaming line drive base hit up the middle, Pierre couldn’t even make a strong enough through home (from shallow center field no less) to make a play at the plate. Instead it was cut off at the mound. Weak arm. Very weak.

In closing, I’ll make a confession. I had no idea Cyrus the Virus played second base for the San Diego Padres…

May 28, 2007 - Senators v. Ducks

Well, alright! The Stanley Cup Final! Lots of pomp and circumstance surrounding this game. Well, maybe a bit more pomp than circumstance, but whatever. There was a bunch of comedy right off the bat for this one before the puck even dropped. First of all, let me just say that I’m not familiar with Mike Emrick, the play-by-play guy on Versus, because I don’t really ever watch hockey on this channel. However, I will say that he looks exactly like Dana Carvey impersonating Ross Perot from SNL back in the day. So that put me in a good mood right off the bat.




The singing of the national anthem, or in this case, anthems, is always a big deal, but it seems more epic during marquee sporting events, such as opening day, any all-star game, the Super Bowl….err…I mean the “Big Game”, and of course, the Stanley Cup Final. Now, I’ve never been a fan of Crosby Stills Nash and Young, and I always just assumed it was for the same reason nobody else liked them – you know, because of Neil Young. However, after hearing Stephen Stills’ rendition of our beloved anthem, I’m going to reconsider my thinking on the subject. Man, that was just awful. And on Memorial Day no less! Is it un-American for me to think the Canadian anthem was performed better? I certainly hope not.

Another funny moment in the early going was when the Governator, Arnold Schwarzenegger, performed the pre-game ceremonial dropping of the puck. While Arnie posed, holding the puck over the ice, staring at the camera with a plastic smile, someone involved in the ceremony could be heard saying something to the effect of “Okay, go…..go ahead and drop it……DROP THE PUCK!!” All the while, Arnie was just smiling at the camera, not moving. Finally, he dropped it, but obviously not before pissing someone off tremendously. I was absolutely dying.

During the game, the commentators mentioned how they thought there would be period of ‘feeling out’ between the two teams since they didn’t meet during the regular season this year. They were surprised at the physical play early on. Well, I don’t know why they’d be surprised about it. We’re talking about the possibility of this series going as few as four games. I don’t think either team wants to spend a whole lot of time getting a feel for the other. Hell, hit ‘em early and try to score first. That’s what I say. Forget about trying to figure out the other team’s game plan.

When Samuel Pahlsson of the Ducks tried to help J.S. Giguere by flipping his stick to him, it prompted the question “If you’re an NHL goalie and a stick and a puck are both flying at you at the same time, which do you attempt to stop?” The answer, apparently, is neither. Nice job, Pahlsson. Maybe next game you can take your skate off and beat Jiggy over the head with it while Dany Heatley fires the puck at him from point blank.

Unbelieveable stat alert: Has Anton Volchenkov really blocked 273 shots this year? Think about the damage his body must have sustained during the season with that kind of punishment. His torso must look like Edward James Olmos’ cheeks.

So, game one is in the books. And it was a good one. Can’t believe hockey isn’t more popular than it is. Of course, there are millions of soccer fans wondering the same thing about soccer…or is it futbol? Whatever.

May 28, 2007 - Ducks v. Senators

Since I don't care a great deal about either of these teams I had to summon up some reasons to root for one or the other and here's what I came up with... USA vs CANADA. Who cares that both these teams have players mostly born in Eastern Uzbeckizatnislav? (I realize that the Ducks actually have more Canadian born players than the Senators, but whatever, they've picked their side) Isn't every team that you're a fan of comprised of players from all over the world in any sport you're a fan of? And then if God forbid, your team moves, who are you really rooting for, the mascot? For the remainder of the column I will be referring to the Ducks as the Americans and the Senators as the Canadians (To avoid confusion with the actual Montreal Canadiens, I will be just referring to them as random Canadian slurs) . U - S - A! U - S - A! U - S - A!

As play begins, it already looks like the Americans seem to have the better team. They're faster, hit harder and generally look as though they're on cruise control. Showing that these aren't your average Celine Dion fans, the Maple Syrup Squad (MSS) attacks the lapse defense of the Americans and scores on a lucky goal. None of this really phases the Americans who still appear to be lacking motivation, until a sweet pass by Teemu leads to a water bottle rattling goal. Smelling blood in the water, the Americans attack relentlessly for a solid 10 minutes going into the next period. Then back to cruise control, until they're down 2 men on a 5-3 power play. Refocused with only 3 men on the ice, the Americans come back and kill the power play. Seriously, they only seemed to really be fired up when they are a man or two down. What's with this team? They really seemed to lack intensity except for those few moments.

This focus lasts only so long before the McKenzie brothers catch "Jiggy" without his stick. Isn't this the equivolent of the old West when a guy is shot in the back? I think they used to chop your hands off if you did it in the old West. I guess the modern day equivalent for a Canadian, would be to chop off his mullet and take away his Molson.



The Americans go on to win it and convincingly so in my opinion. It just seems as though when motivated, they're just too tough to beat. This thing could have been a blood bath and the only reason it wasn't is because they were on cruise control for half the game.

Well this is the last post of the season for me on Hockey. I'm happy to see that the Americans made it to the Stanley Cup Finals. Hopefully the Ducks can keep those Maple Syrup swilling Nanooks of the North from getting their grubby mitts on it. I think they can. U - S - A! U - S - A! U - S - A!

May 28, 2007 - Ducks v. Senators

It's great to finally get a chance to make a contribution here. And what a game! If that wasn't truly the game of the week, I would like to know what was! That is why hockey play-offs are so great. Such intensity! Such excitement! Thank god we don't have to wait every four years for this to happen!

I love the hits in hockey! I love everything about hockey, but I really love the hits. And this game was a hit-fest.

Before I get into the game, I have to mention something about the job Stephen Stills did of singing our national anthem. What happened to this guys voice? I'm not a big Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young fan, but when I did hear their songs on the radio I remember the vocals sounding nice. I don't remember one of the guys sounding like he had just gargled with a rusty anchor! I could have sung the song better than him!

Back to the game. Man the Senators came out strong! They were playing scary strong like the Red Wings did a couple of times against the Sharks and Ducks (before the Ducks sent them fishing). That first goal by the Senators was ugly. It took them nearly an hour to announce the official goal scorer! But a goal is a goal and the Senators going up 1-0 made me nervous, especially the way they were playing.

Now the McDonald goal to tie it up was pretty as they come. And Selanne's pass was also a thing of beauty. But none of it would have happened if Drew Miller had not drilled the hell out of the Senator defender and made him cough up the puck. That was an awesome play!

The Ducks finished the second half of the first period like a monster! Though they did have some dumb penalties. I don't remember who did it, but somebody laid a clothesline on a Senator that was reminiscent of Richard Kiel's scene from The Longest Yard.

I was really impressed with how tough Brad May was playing. I like that guy, and not just because his last name is the name of one of the best horror films to come out in the last five years.

Speaking of dumb penalties, what's with Ryan Getzlaf conducting an experiment to see how many times you can cross-check a guy before the ref will call you on it? He must have cross-checked that guy five times! Four times not enough for you Getzlaf?

Of course that must have really upset Giguere, because he decided to protest by playing goal without a stick! Which didn't work out so good as it didn't take the Senators long to score on a stickless goalie.

I was impressed when the Ducks killed the 5-3 advantage and nearly scored a shortie to boot! What the heck was Emery doing that far out of the goal?!

The Ducks were simply ferocious in the third and I knew that they were at least going to tie it up. Getzlaf's game-tying goal was nice, and Moen's game-winner was nicer! Though Moen owes a lot to a hell of an assist by Rob Niedermayer.

Ducks look scary good! Though it's just one game. I hope this goes seven games. That would be sweet!!!

My favorite shot of the fans in attendance had to go to the guy with the sunglasses who was working the cowbell.

Final comment: Did you notice that Mark Messier looks more and more like Carel Struycken who is the actor that played Lurch in the two Addams Family movies from the '90s.

Faithfully submitted,

Rob

May 20, 2007 - Ducks v. Redwings

….and we’re back.

Alright, so I went into this game with very little enthusiasm about it due to the fact that hockey season, in essence, ended for me back when the Kings finished their annual stumble to the end of the regular season schedule. During the past few weeks I’ve been keeping up with which teams have won which games and series, but I haven’t watched very much post-season hockey at all this year. In fact, I haven’t watched much post-season hockey at all the past several seasons. It’s all just part of being a Kings fan. Anyway, I was completely indifferent as to who I wanted to win this game, let alone the series. At least, I thought I was. It didn’t take long after hearing the same ol’ names being mentioned as far as the Redwings go, for me to realize that I was absolutely, without a doubt, pulling for the Ducks to win this game. How could I call myself a Kings fan and not be rooting against the Lidstroms, Zetterbergs, Haseks, and Drapers of the world? I’ve always wondered why a person thinks they have to hate the Ducks to be a Kings fan. It’s not like the Ducks and Kings have any sort of rivalry built up over the years. They’ve never played each other in the post season (and with the two very different directions the Kings and Ducks organizations have been heading, it doesn’t look like they’ll be doing so anytime soon either). The Ducks and Kings are like the Lakers and Clippers. No rivalry there. Why pretend there is one? However, the Dodgers and giants? Now that’s a different story. There have been many occasions over the years when the Dodgers and giants have played very significant games with post season implications, taking turns playing the role of spoiler against one another, dashing each other's hopes of winning a pennant. Anyway, the Redwings have made a mockery out of most of the Western Conference for about 15 to 20 years running, and every team in the West should consider them public enemy number one, and every fan of their respective team should be rooting against the Wings with every ounce of passion they can muster. I, for one, know that by the middle of the first period of this game, I was.
You know how, as a fan, there are always those famous players in sports that you thought you hated and you rooted against them, but as the years went by you realized that they were pretty special and you grew to respect them and what they had accomplished during their careers? I’ll give an example. Larry Bird. Try to find a Lakers fan back in the 80s who liked this guy. He was the very bane of the Lakers existence. But as his career was winding down, Lakers fans began to appreciate what he lent to the marvelous rivalry that existed (and still does, by the way) between the Lakers and Celtics during that time. Now, I know there was a pretty big rivalry before that, but that’s not my point. Right now, today, I think you’d be pretty hard pressed to find a Laker fan who doesn’t appreciate and respect a Larry Bird. Anyway, more examples of this, for me anyway, would be Tony Gwynn, Mark Messier, Michael Jordan, and Gary Sheffield (just kidding! Shef’s pretty freakin’ far from making that list!). You know what got me thinking about all of this during last night’s game? Chris Chelios. Chris Chelios is a guy who’s had a very long, distinguished career. A man who has consistently been a top performer at the highest level of his trade. A guy who is most likely headed to the hall of fame. A man who is loved and cherished in both Chicago and Detroit. And, I have to tell you, a man who I absolutely can not stand for one instant! He and he alone, could sway my preference when it comes to watching hockey. When I heard his name mentioned and saw his image during warm-ups, I felt my eyes squint and my jaw clench as I looked at the screen in absolute disgust. There he was. Chris Chelios. I’m rooting against you, Chris Chelios! I don’t care about the Ducks. Never have. Most likely, never will. But there is one thing I do care about; Chris Chelios and the rest of the Detroit Redwings getting eliminated from these playoffs. It’s the only thing a self-respecting Kings fan could wish for. After last night’s game, my wish is that much closer to being fulfilled. Go Ducks!